An alternative approach I use to combat alpha-holes, and general abuse/anger is to not answer the question 100%, or answer with a lot of ambiguity. The goal is to raise more questions than you answer (don't answer them, just throw a curve ball). Couple it with some down-talking and you're good to go.
This throws the attacker into a bit of mental confusion and their anger subsides instantly as they're trying to process this unexpected deviation from their pre-planned storyline. Example:
Ahole: Your code broke while demoing it. You're a shit dev and you should feel shit.
You: You demoed with the alpha code?! Really? Did your mom never tell you to ask before you touch? hope you learnt a lesson today. Maybe you should write some lines.... ' I shall not touch alpha code....'
This is probably an extreme example but it works in every day situations too. The goal is not to argue back at all. Just flip the entire thing on its head and leave them out to dry. If they come to battle with a knife, shoot to kill.
> Did your mom never tell you to ask before you touch? Hope you learnt a lesson today
If I weren't livid already, that would get me there. It's condescending, needlessly brings in and insults a loved one and offers zero empathy or productive feedback.
If someone is trying to be the alpha-jerk, playing emotionally manipulative games, they're not teachable (at least not at that moment). Compassionately asking whether they had a rough childhood is not going to help. (I mean, it might, at a different time and setting. It won't in the current one, though.)
And what they are doing is not OK. Life is too short to have to deal with that kind of garbage.
So what are your options? Silently take it, but that's not helpful - not for yourself, for your coworkers, or even for the aggressive jerk who's abusing you. It's probably better to inform the jerk, in no uncertain terms, that behaving that way will have immediate negative consequences.
Now, it's better if that message comes from the jerk's supervisor, rather than from a coworker. And it may be better to start with a slightly less aggressive response (the first time).
Note well: I'm assuming that the behavior is deliberate. If it's not - if they genuinely don't know any better - they need training on how to not be a jerk. (Hey, we've all got to learn sometime.)
> It's probably better to inform the jerk, in no uncertain terms, that behaving that way will have immediate negative consequences
There's a bright line between telling someone they're being rude and being rude back. OP could communicate something like "you're coming across super aggressively right now; that makes it hard for me to have this conversation." That draws a clear maturity line. Such lines can motivate better behavior, by laying the groundwork for mutual respect. They also, in the worst case, clearly establish fault.
In a professional environment, you can't demand someone stop being an asshole by being one back. That just invites others to feel fine being rude to you in the future.
> I'm assuming that the behavior is deliberate
That is an untested assumption. Double check, preferably by asking them as directly as possible, e.g. "this is coming across in an incredibly hostile way; I don't think that's your intention."
Being insulting doesn't really seem like the right way to go. I think I'd prefer something like "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't know what the problem is but yelling at me definitely isn't going to fix it! Come back and tell me about it once you've had time to chill out!"
Or just say "Sorry Tom" (if his name is Tim). (Any name that is close to his name but isn't his name: Jason/Justin, Tim/Tom, Nick/Rick, Bob/Bill, etc.)
This throws the attacker into a bit of mental confusion and their anger subsides instantly as they're trying to process this unexpected deviation from their pre-planned storyline. Example:
Ahole: Your code broke while demoing it. You're a shit dev and you should feel shit.
You: You demoed with the alpha code?! Really? Did your mom never tell you to ask before you touch? hope you learnt a lesson today. Maybe you should write some lines.... ' I shall not touch alpha code....'
This is probably an extreme example but it works in every day situations too. The goal is not to argue back at all. Just flip the entire thing on its head and leave them out to dry. If they come to battle with a knife, shoot to kill.